The Best Relationship Isn’t Perfect, It’s Built on Communication?
- Harriet Shaw
- Oct 20
- 3 min read
By Harriet Shaw
Forget perfect love, the best relationships are built on honesty, communication and trust. Discover what really makes relationships work (and why it’s never about perfection).
The Truth About Relationships
There’s no secret formula for a perfect relationship. Every person walks in carrying a history, experiences, beliefs, fears, and patterns that shape how they show up.
At its core, every healthy relationship is built on a few non-negotiable needs: safety, trust, respect, emotional support, and communication.They sound simple, but they’re the difference between connection that grows and connection that fades.
Without these foundations, relationships struggle to breathe. No amount of love or chemistry can replace the need to feel safe, seen, and heard.
Ask Yourself
Do I feel safe here?
Can I trust this person?
Do I feel respected?
Can I speak openly and be vulnerable without fear?
Do we really communicate or just talk around things?
A yes to all of these is a solid start.
These questions apply to any relationship, personal or professional.
Ever had a difficult boss? Instead of focusing on their behaviour or personality, try naming the need that wasn’t being met. Safety? Respect? Support?
You can use the same lens to look at all your relationships, past and present. Where are your needs being met and where is there room for change?
Think about your friendships. Chances are, these are the minimum standards you expect without question.
So why do we sometimes accept less in romantic relationships?
Because when those foundational needs aren’t met, something deeper takes over — fear.
How Fear Changes Connection
When safety or trust is missing, we adapt. We become hyper vigilant, defensive, distant, or overly accommodating, doing whatever we can to avoid rejection or conflict.
It’s rarely conscious; it’s learned.
As children, we need to feel safe, significant, celebrated, heard, connected, and loved.
If those needs weren’t consistently met, we learn to protect ourselves — by pleasing, withdrawing, controlling, or staying quiet.
Those patterns don’t disappear in adulthood; they just show up in new ways — in how we love, argue, apologise, or avoid. They form our attachment style.
The best relationships don’t erase our past — they help us heal it.
There’s No Perfect Relationship. But There Are Honest Ones
A good relationship isn’t one without disagreement or difficulty. It’s one where both people are willing to talk, listen, and repair.
Communication isn’t just words, it’s emotional safety in action. It’s saying:
“I care enough to listen.”
“I’m not leaving the table when it gets hard.”
“I want to understand you, even when I don’t agree.”
When those foundations are in place, connection becomes a living, breathing thing.
It grows through honesty, not harmony.
What the Best Relationships Really Look Like
They aren’t about constant happiness or effortless chemistry.
They’re about effort with intention.
They’re built on everyday choices, choosing to listen instead of react, to repair instead of retreat, to stay open instead of shutting down.
And sometimes, real love also means recognising when a relationship has reached its limit, when communication can’t bridge the gap, or when safety and respect can’t be rebuilt.
The Bottom Line
There is no perfect relationship, only two people learning, growing, and trying again.
The goal isn’t perfection; it’s authenticity.
When we talk, we heal.
When we listen, we understand.
When we connect, we grow.